No Holding Back
When I was a kid my family spent holidays and vacation days travelling down the east coast. Eight to 12 hour-long drives were normal. and for a person like me, quite enjoyable.
I never slept in the car. Maybe I was scared of getting in a car crash. Maybe I enjoyed the changing scenery. Maybe I just wanted to keep my father company. Whatever the reason, I was often caught gazing out of the window, silent, nose pressed against the glass.
“What are you thinking about, Lee?”
“Nothing,” I usually answered—which was always a lie. I was always thinking about something—memorizing license plate numbers or counting trees. Listening to the rhythmic hum of the tires rolling on the pavement. Mentally acting out romantic melodramas.
Yet I always said “nothing.”
Maybe I was embarrassed, afraid to be called a fool. Maybe I didn’t think anyone really cared about my thoughts, worried that they carried no value. Maybe I thought I would be misunderstood, left feeling even more alone than I already did.
What if I had shared those thoughts?
What if I actually believed that those thoughts held value and weren’t foolish at all?
Maybe I would have realized that there was no reason to be embarrassed.
Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so alone.
Maybe I could have spent more of my life basking in the sun instead of cowering in the shadows.
* * *
So you (yes, I’m talking to you),
No more holding back.
No more keeping silent.
I want to hear you.
I want to see you glow.
(Source: alishasommer.com)
